At first I wasn’t sure if it was my 5’9″ full-figured frame set atop 6″ heels that gave it away… or that “ya better come at me right” demeanor inherited from the women in my family…
But people – especially men at first – started to recognize it in me the way I recognized it in my mother, grandmother, and aunts – my personal super-sheroes.They had a certain feminine power that exerted itself from the moment they walked in a room.
I used to wonder, “Was it the way they carried themselves, or how they could cut their eyes in your direction like a lioness on the prowl? Were they doing it on purpose? And why did it have such an effect on people?”
I wasn’t sure of any of that; but the one thing I knew was that these women were Alpha-Females… and at 26 years old I became one too.
So what are the traits of an Alpha-Female? Here is a list of 9:
1 – Action = Intimidation
You would think that I was shaking down Ethel for her bingo winnings at the old folks home or leading my own a personal pride of lions into the local Starbucks. But nope… that wasn’t it. (Although the lion thing would be kinda cool.)
Most people find Alpha-Females intimidating because of the way they take action. They tend to make big, daring, risky moves with a level of testicular fortitude that makes people wonder if they purchased that set of brass balls or if they were born with them.
2 – Competitively Empowering
Alpha-Females do not have a vision board dedicated to taking others down. First – most people aren’t that interesting. Second – most people aren’t doing anything worthy to compete against. (hmmm… did I write that out loud?)
Alpha-Females are competitive against the only adversary they deem worthy – themselves. It is not uncommon to find an Alpha-Female improving on something that other people think is already pretty perfect.
They believe that they are only as strong as the weakest member of their pack. She doesn’t want the biggest yacht; Alpha-Females want everyone in the pack to have a big yacht. (how else are we going to have a yacht race)
3 – No Saviors Required
Alpha-Females like – no – love chivalry. Opened doors, jackets on cold shoulders, and killing that giant man-eating spider with that tiny can of Raid is just damned sexy… as long as it is done for the right reason.
However, opening doors because you think an Alpha-Female is weak…can cause $h*t to get real… really real. Opening the door so you can see our legs as we get out the car… will likely lead to a very exciting night involving candles, whipped-cream, and an outfit involving only a neck-tie and extra-heels.
4 -Numbers Don’t Define Them
Superficial attributes such as height, weight, or grey hair never define Alpha-Females. They own it… all of it… regardless of the numbers.
The reason Alpha-Females grow old gracefully is because they see the beauty in every single stage of their lives. They leverage confidence, self-worth, and strength as their definitions of hotness.
5 – Bold. Audacious. Unapologetic. And NEVER the Victim
Alpha-Females believe in luck… as long as you define it as take action, learn lessons, and do it better tomorrow.
We recognize the value of the win and the loss. We make smart and strategic choices. Learn from them and move on. We are NEVER the victim. There is no wallowing-in defeat or self pity. And there is no need for gratuitous bragging from a big win (as we expect to win every single time).
This attitude defines why Alpha-Females are the masters of bouncing back and finding solutions to the toughest challenges.
6 – They Speak Their Mind
While this isn’t an advice post, I will give one piece of it – never ever ever ask an Alpha-Female for her opinion unless you want her full unadulterated, no-holds-barred truth. Alpha-Females speak their minds and rarely hold back. Unfortunately, people’s feelings get hurt.
I have learned to ask for the levels of feedback required. So before I give feedback I tend to ask, “Do you want to feel good about yourself? or Do you want to get better… way better?”
7 – Clear Boundaries
I do something called THE PURGE every year. Unlike the movie, however, I don’t kill people that I want out of my life (I think that is still frowned upon)… I just disengage. This is not an uncommon trait of Alpha-Females.
Alpha-Females are very comfortable speaking up for themselves and setting boundaries. They will not accept what they deem as disrespect. While they will support others in moving up, they will rarely hold on to people who they have supported and still remain anchors in their life.
People who are anchors or disrespectful will quickly find themselves purged.
8 – What rules?
If I lived by what I was supposed to be I would be living on government assistance with 4 children and addicted to drugs… according to my HS counselor. That was just enough to set me on fire! I would not be a statistic.
Alpha-Females question the rules and if there is no answer, then the rules don’t apply. Impossible just means she hasn’t tried it yet. Her mantra: For every perspective lies an alternate; and for every rule there is a loop hole.
It’s not uncommon to find Alpha-Females breaking societal barriers associated with gender roles and norms.
9 – Alphas Attract Alphas
Alpha-Females love hanging out with other Alpha-Females (and not just those doing $h*t to get noticed) and men that respect who they are. Why? Mainly because of the 8 traits above.
They also know that Alpha-Females aren’t catty, they take nothing personally, and quickly correct actions they don’t like and embrace the ones that they do. There is no room for jealousy or in-fighting; just powerful women supporting other powerful people.
I surround myself with strong men, Alpha-Females, and work to build others to own their power.
BONUS: Opinions Don’t Matter… Much
Everyone has an opinion about everything. Even those things which they know nothing about. And because of this, Alpha-Females almost never ever listen to what other people think of them or their actions. They redefine standards of beauty, possibilities, and acceptable roles.
When, however, they do ask for your opinion it really means that they respect you and what you think. So don’t hold back. Be honest, open, and be ready to explain how you came to your conclusions.