I posted as a man and I liked it!
It was totally by accident… at first.
Unbeknownst to me, a former contractor of mine was logged in to a group account that I was also a part of. I re-posted a question (which had been posted a month or so earlier) and the responses were incredible and much more direct that when I posted them as myself. And at that moment I was hooked! From then on, my contractor and I would both post the same questions (about a week apart) in the same groups just to see what would happen.
The Men’s Groups
In the men’s groups there is no holding of tongues… well… I guess that would be strapping down of fingers.
If they have an opinion… you know it. There is little need or desire for motivation. There is talk of sports, leadership, politics, business, and sales tactics that work; along with those that “suck a$$”.
They have no issue being positive, but more than anything they are real. The best part is that if you have a problem that needs to be solved, these groups tend to “get stuff done”. Real conversations for real people… who happened to be men.
Yep! And therein lies the great divide.
If I want to have a tough conversation I have to log-in as my male counterpart. When I post a tough question or spark a debate as a woman, the guys say very little. In fact, the women in the group are more likely to answer. If I post the EXACT SAME post as a man, the guys chime in and go all in.
The Women’s Groups
The women’s groups are a little different. Sure there are some great posts and articles. But the tone is quite different. If you are stuck, attendees will jump in and motivate you to keep your head up.
There is no talk of gun control, politics, leadership, or sports. There are even fewer “line drawn in the sand” opinions; and when a stand is taken it is somewhat apologetic. There are tons of motivational quotes, videos, and how to feel better.
It feels like pop-tart cheerleading on steroids. There is Motivational Monday, Tickle Me Tuesday, Wine on Wednesday, Talk About Your Accomplishment Thursday, Be Fearless Friday, Shameless Saturday, and Social Sunday. There are pom-poms, hearts and flowers, and happy dances and shout outs and… ok… I can’t do it anymore.
All the sappy happy candy coated “you can do it” motivation makes me want to throw up!
The worst part is that people who post REAL ISSUES find their posts buried by all the damn inspiration. So while your question never gets answered at least you can feel good about it.
The Vast Divide
The original man-posing started about a year ago.
If I wanted to get an answer to a question – just facts – no opinions or apologies, I had to post my questions as a male.
When I would post as a female, most of the responses would come with a disclaimer like “I hope this doesn’t sound hard” or “in my opinion” or “I hope this doesn’t offend you”. When I posted a debate question as a female, men would not dare not debate. They either agreed with me or posted a single response and ran for the hills. No follow-ups to rebuttals or anything…. just crickets.
It was like they thought my vagina would fall out of my body if we didn’t agree.
Now every now and then I would find some people (men and women alike) that went all in. They had solutions, kicked ass when they knew you could do better, and gave hard-core opinions to your questions. But they were hard to find.
What To Do Next
As 2015 comes to a close, I have really been pondering this. GAWD knows we don’t need another group on LinkedIN or Facebook, but then again… maybe we do. A group whose mission statement is, “Leave your political correctness, heart and flowers, and motivational posters at the door. Bring in your business brilliance, f**ing frustrations, and honest opinions. Tell it how it is or shut the hell up. This group is for intrinsically motivated people who want to solve business problems, brag about some awesome sh*t they did, and vent about frustrations. PS – Don’t sell your crap here cuz we ain’t buyin’ but we will tell you how to sell it.”
What Do You Think?
Do you have the intestinal fortitude to post your opinion? What do you think about the group or groups that you are in.